"He makes me laugh all the time".
Nobody is here to make me laugh. I've not found smile on my face for so long. I've almost lost the will to live, left with the last flame. I'm disgusted by everything I have. Sometimes I just want to shy away from everybody and be left alone.
I am a very lazy person, always lean towards the inertia of falling to the easier option. Wouldn't it be easier if everything just goes back to the good old days like what has just been stuck with me everyday in my past memory. But that ain't gonna happen. I'm often scared of tomorrow. Even though I knew it's a challenge and it's a growth process that everybody has to go through, I don't want to go and experience any of this shit. Deep down inside me, I wish I never remembered anything or anybody, not even mentioning recalling the stinky experience and learn from it. Pls, leave me alone. Can I not grow up and pretend nothing happen? NO, so I ought to face it no matter how much I don't want to.
"Life is fun!". A friend of mine told me that I used to say this a lot to my friends. I always appear to be a very cheering and confident person. While Buddhism believes that real lesson and learning only comes in the hard way, I might just be put on the task of this steep learning curve. That's what I should say to myself more often now-"be a man & do the right thing!".
Well, will do then. Life will be great again someday. I still have my parents to love no matter what.
